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There is no succeeding without failing. You probably have heard it countless times from cliché quotes and inspiring speeches about the need to get up and keep going. This general lesson of perseverance, however, comes mostly with images and stories and rarely an explanation as to why stumbling in life is okay. There persists for many an overwhelming fear and shame around failing, only made worse by the glam and hustle culture promoted online. The concern about failure reaches such levels even the currently successful confess to being afraid of pushing further in life because of the potential risks and shame from family and friends in tasting their first defeat. Today many people suffer from this symptom of portentous failure. Whether you are yet to fail or already have, the fear of succeeding has become symptomatic in the social media age. We see the dream lives of celebrities and YouTubers, extraordinary never-seen-before projects, and unimaginable wealth. It is easy to get lost amongst the grand ideals and images of success. We must all get comfortable with failing if we want to pursue lasting success throughout life. This article seeks to remind others that failure is a necessary stage to success in many parts of our lives- by failing we can learn, discover, appreciate and push.

  1. Failure as an inevitable part of life

Before pursuing success, we need to recognise that failure is an inevitable part of life. It may appear to some young people that success is beyond them. Their academic journey has been nothing short of excellent; their teachers and parents always reminded them they are the perfect students and will reach higher places the more they continue. However, this special status without the mention of failure, even when it’s temporary, encourages a harmful delusion that someone is too good to fail. The ’gifted and talented’ child is pampered into a caricature of a saint, with their academic success becoming tied to entitlements of greater love and respect. Of course, no one will be learning or teaching their child to fail. But we can already begin to see here the way we fail in completing the entire cycle of preparing ourselves to succeed. As life’s dichotomies go, for many discoveries, there is boredom, for many gains, there are losses, and for successes, there are failures. We only ever emphasise the need to succeed, i.e., in an exam or pursuing the career path our parents want, and not what happens when we met the opposing force- what is failure and how we deal with it.

Taking a holistic view of success, we can see failure is part of the broader cycle and not simply a blockade halting our lives. Success is intrinsically tied with nature’s opposing reality which truly cannot be removed from our lives if we continue down a path of even greater accomplishments. If one reflects, are you really succeeding in your goals and aspirations if are taking every safe option- where failure is almost nil? The real success in our lives we account for are the ones where failure was a seemingly equal or overwhelming force. It is clear to see then our perceptions of success must not be about eradicating failure but being ready to face it, even when it hits us in the face.

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth” Mike Tyson

Anticipating failure is not so scary when we recognise this dichotomy is deeply rooted in the existence of humankind. It may seem overly grand to think on such a scale when you’re probably only facing a mock exam or applying for a new job, but you can still acknowledge the prospect of failure is forever present even when you’ve prepared to the world’s end. This is the case for everyone in the universe, begging the question so why do we not just embrace it? While there are real-world consequences to some of our failures, it is deeply consoling to remember no one is immune to failure- we all stumble in life. No matter how much preparation we take, there are still limitless uncontrollable factors that can throw us off track. What if you puke before a final exam, or stumble at the first hurdle during an Olympic final? What if you were born into poverty and were not pursuing the final year degree you now worry about? These countless imagined scenarios remind us we can only do as much as our bodies can do- the external world solely belongs to the Creator, where our highest hopes of success can be crushed while sometimes our lowest dreams of success can become a reality. Therefore, rather than fearing failure, we must remember the image and point of success are found in the way we try our best in fending off life’s natural looming, unavoidable force- failure.

2. Failure as a necessity for growth- learning and discovery

Getting comfortable with the chances of failure is only made more important when we seek to push boundaries and establish new ideas. Success on any personal level means doing something that one wasn’t possible of doing before. You must be ready to take a chance. Failure will always beckon with any new experience. But taking such steps into the unknown, with some skills and a simple willingness offers the golden chance to try, discover and learn. This is a moment that leaves your former behind, embracing the possibility of failure to fight for new practices and personal accomplishments your comfortable self would not reach at. The sudden turn of direction often becomes that necessary Eureka moment in people’s lives when they discover the very things they hold dearly as lifelong passions or the things they thought they enjoyed but actually hate.

The mentality of continued success thus emerges when we no longer fear but embrace chances of failure as moments to grow in our hobbies and career paths.  There is little growth or learning gained by forever chasing the safe path in life- doing what is known, expected and easy for you. Although contentment is still important for living a balanced, happy life, risk in the form of potential failure must be allotted to seek and push new boundaries. Even in the sight of failure, there is much strength and skills to gain when tackling new challenges and setting the bar for zero complacencies. It is easy to also forget, these new experiences i.e., giving a presentation, attending a football trial, or changing your career path, regardless of failure or success, give us exceptional experiences we can talk about. Our ordinary life is made far more interesting when we’ve tried something different. How can we bring discussion with friends, family, strangers and travellers if we haven’t tried enriching our minds and taste palates with newfound experiences? Hence, there is much fulfilment to be found in getting comfortable with the prospects of failure. When there is a chance to fail, it also means there is an opening to make new realities that push us to reach and accomplish more. Only you will know what new small steps are needed to grow.

3. Failure as a humbling factor- appreciating old and new success

Most powerfully, failure can be an enormous relief on the souls of working individuals that suffer from imposter syndrome. Those who have a habit of attributing their successes, big and small, to ‘good fortune’ and ‘luck’ can find relief to finally remind themselves and others they are nothing more than just human. Failure is a humbling character in life that reminds us all we can only try our best to make things work while life and the many forces around it remain forever unpredictable and beyond our control. Failing shows us that no one is truly alone in their struggles as our eyes and ears become conscious of people facing similar or worse battles than us. As in the making of many tragic dramas and plays across history, we remember despair is just another saga in the infallible lives of human beings.

There may be no avoiding the grand initial embarrassment that comes with failure. But one must remember, the lingering shame will only ever subside the quicker we move on in the many more days, months and years our life has to offer. For instance, descending into despair when we’ve failed a final exam, lost a cup final, been rejected after an interview, or had a recent breakup. The period of despair feels as if boulders have stumbled onto your chest, pinning you down into the ground that is ready to engulf you deep inside. Curling into a ball and clutching your eyes shut, seeking to forget about the world, may grant us some relief but it offers no real escape from the mind that glances back wanting new memories. As hard as it may be the first few times we stumble and fail, the one who has gone through failure enough times will know that the pain only lifts when we fight back. The pause during these times of life always begs the question of what and how can we carry on and do better. This strife means accepting failure by retrying, and reapplying your efforts in the same or different area, which is what gives the clinching of success so much meaning in life’s turbulent journey.

Getting ‘used’ to failure can help us appreciate every small step we bravely take which does go right. Inevitably, like failure, success in everyone’s life who strives and stays compassionate comes to fruition. The climb to that point is only made possible when we see recognise those successes- holding resilience to not just give up on life. Intuitively, while we may not recognise it at the moment, each failure brings us a fight within us, to find a way out, polishing, refining, striving harder or in new ways because of the way we failed.

We get to savour our successes knowing the struggles we went through. If life’s goals were given to us on a plate, there would be an emptiness in our souls where our life would be pointless to live anymore. By not having things in our lives, we should relish the energy inside of ourselves to want to change them. A reason why so many of our parents have worked for so long and accepted difficult situations is due to their determination to change. This is not to say things should always be missing from our lives but remember as long as that energy is present, we must strive to make better of the world- for ourselves and others.

4. Failure as a motivating factor

Failure brings a disruptive pause in our lives yet their paradox goes that without it we can never bring ourselves to truly change, expand and discover. The prospect and the reality of failure can feel especially daunting when you’ve prepared so much, with all eyes on you, and the moment passed without success. However, we all circle back to two choices- dwell on life forever without change or take action to change something at the very least.

Failure in its subtle or harsh way compels us to make a life move. While some may appear to not have tasted failure in their life, the journey remains long and in any case, there is no perfection in human beings. The takeaway lesson for everyone stands, failure or not, is that our mistakes do not need to define us but empower us if we sustain a humble heart to learn and change in all aspects of our lives. After all, a successful life is one that sees continued effort, however small or big, and not by superficial moments or materials. If you don’t continue acting whatever the case, the most compulsive, irrational parts of your brain will prosper. No one deserves to be this weak and the quicker you find an ounce to see past it, the brighter life will begin to show. As Vujicic profoundly reminds us, life and events heal quicker when you move on than when you stay stagnant on those thoughts of failure.

As well as motivating us to continue growing, failure grants us a moment to sigh relief that the testing moment has passed and we have now gained a test run to do even better! The failed moment would have taught you the few or many things you could have done but did not know about before. This is not a moment to blame yourself but an empowering chance over the newcomers that were like your former self with lesser experience and knowledge. The chance to try again or pursue something different makes you a football manager who now holds the authority to tinker with their pre-match setup and change the things they do not like.

It should spur you to do better next time as you will now encounter the same or different situation with the failed experience in mind. The failed moment may still strike shame yet gifts you a chance to exclaim “how much worse can it be now?!”. The pressure eases, shifting your mindset from a fear of defeat to a desire to do better and clinch victory. When it comes to the situation of total failure, a useful point from Edward Snowden comes to mind:

“You should always let people underestimate you” Permanent Record (2019, p.61)

The moment buys you more time than you would have ever expected, with priceless experience, to return more prepared, better refined and resilient to succeed than to fear the prospect of failure.

Conclusion:

In sum, the preparation for success in life requires conquering the deeper, heavier fear of failure that often stops us from even trying to better ourselves. Failure being unwanted is understandably viewed with shame, rejection and tragedy. The social media age, however, struggles to remind our success and failure are tied partners like the forces of nature that bring us joy and sadness without escape. One can never live a life of perfection so everyone must be willing or ready to fail as these events come with any pursuit of success. By realising failure is natural and in many ways empowering, we can push beyond our comfort zones. We can open ourselves to new challenges, trying new things in new ways without losing out on the richness of life on miracle Earth. And failing, while distressing at first, is a liberating force that finally frees us from the perceived verdict of others. The instances remind us and others, we are all fallible beings. Failing enough times drives us inwards to see comparisons and bedridden moods do not change’s condition but the actions we take soon after it. Success is personal and made valuable when we have fought for it. Therefore, we must tackle failure first before pursuing success. An ego that is only willing to accept the safe path restrains its existence from experiencing the greater perception of learning and crafting.