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There are many times in our lives when we can feel left behind. Today’s glamorous world tells us whatever we are doing is not enough. The mark of excellence, achievement and the weight of the rich and powerful stand tall and wide. The globalised world, where our work, lifestyles and knowledge get put into a polyarchy of competition. They show us that progress is not only far but also material. It would appear for anyone to be of relevance they must be capable of reporting back a competing list of extraordinary achievements, wealth and status. There is nothing inherently wrong with striving to be the world’s best. However, chasing success for its own sake can be destructive. For a start, there is no finish line as commonly perceived. The chase will always continue, so you best be sure what you are doing is worth your time. Many soon discover their popular image of success still leaves them unfulfilled. Success in its popular perception derives from a perception of others, failing to consider the more important, personal element- self-improvement. Today’s pressure to succeed now reaches overwhelming levels. The constant pressure to keep up with our peers raises the question- have we all become lazier or are we just chasing too much in a world that never stops demanding? Dr K from his YouTube channel HealthyGamers deconstructs the left-behind mindset, revealing the ways the popular perception of success gives way to deep-seated fears and obstacles. We can learn achievement/success through only social comparisons can become our worst enemies. Success must come from a deeper hunger to improve oneself. By shedding light on the importance of delayed gratification, acceptance and gradualism, success can be a proactive process for everyone. In this way, more of us can stop dwelling on failure and work to bring change in ourselves and others.
1) What does it mean to be ‘successful’?
As many of us in the world have moved beyond the base physiological needs of Maslow’s hierarchy, the focus today hovers much around what a person can generate in their livelihood. The zeitgeist of freedom and consumerism in the West forces us to look at what others do with their time and money, thinking about all the things we could have if we reacted similarly. The comparisons, however, stretch on as our visions no longer pertain to just the mere village elder but an infinite digital space flooded with the latest and wildest luxuries one’s imagination could ever develop. Surely, this is what success means- to ‘win’ in the world’s economic rat race for money, status and power. The billionaires, politicians, and sports stars who have ‘made it’ in life, ranking above many in control and influence. After all, there are so many of us and so little time to make an impression on the world. With so many paths already crossed in life, experiences already felt, jobs already done, and titles already heard, it would seem all of us ought to stamp our claim on the world. Many would hardly consider struggling to pay for rent and food, and being unable to enjoy a nice car or house as being successful. As Bansir, the resident of the Richest Man of Babylon remarked:
Need they and their families and their sons and their sons’ families live all their lives in the midst of such treasurers of gold, and yet, like us, be content to banquet upon sour goat’s milk and porridge?” (Clason, George S.; Horowitz, Mitch. The Richest Man in Babylon (p.26, Original Classic Edition) (p. 26). G&D Media. Kindle Edition.
The common perception of success remains as intertwined with material luxury as it is with status. This is not merely about clinching treasures of material luxury but above all, positions that warrant society’s greatest exclusivity. Pride seeps through this particular obsession. It is about the space to flex on the ‘doubters, haters’, whomever possible. The problem arises when it suddenly means one cannot merely accept cooking, cleaning, parenting, studying, meditating and exercising. As the logic follows, you must run the longest on the social treadmill for true success status. To rack up and beat your fellow peers.
2) Success becoming the unattainable
The success status obsession takes on a larger image when we examine our global interconnectedness. Traditionally, a blacksmith or a carpenter would have only felt the pressures of their local village. An apprentice could work under the guidance of their master and the most concern would only be from their friends and family. Today the landscape is wholly different. It is difficult to think so small when our achievements and visions of success become entangled on a grander stage. A global audience in a super-connected world, tied by limitless communication- an avoidable unavoidable social media space expressing shared goals, jobs, relationships and dreams. Inevitably, we all find ourselves caught in a minefield of comparisons. The person who may have just completed a 6-month diet plan and worked out each week to lose 15kg, may soon feel belittled when encountering the countless bodybuilders and fitness gurus displaying their tremendous physiques online.
Many would conclude this is exactly how it should be unrelenting competition driving forward persistent change and improvement. I mean who wants to be just another number in the crowd? It means no longer taking joy in ‘ordinary’, personal achievements but submitting to the world’s demand to be more than special. A person must get a certain qualification, earn more, travel more, wear and show more, and buy and lavish in countless luxuries belonging to only a few. While we all want the best for ourselves, this self-improvement journey fuelled by comparison means the competition never stops, bleeding into every part of our lives. An assumption prevails in this race to be a success, that blissful happiness will finally be attained.
3) The Fear of Failure- confronting failure and lacking self-worth
This competitive success mindset, however, fails to empower the larger number of people today feeling overwhelmed and anxious about taking on the world. The sight of extraordinary wealth and accolades becomes an intimidating force, which rather than pushing people to never settle, belittles their ‘ordinary’ life. Worse still, the towering status freezes people into hopelessness. As one may remark: “Oh, how can I ever become those people?!”. The certificates, awards, project completions, money, and fame all tower over us like a mountain- too steep and stormy to even try scaling. The comparisons to such grand glories quickly make personal accomplishments feel worthless. This is the point when aspirations turn into an ever-building to-do list, a litany of ‘should dos’ that blur all progress and reward. Hopelessness causes many of us to relapse into society’s vices: envy, resentment and jealousy. They even become the toxic coal fuel dragging us into desperate action than a pathway guided by true conviction and well-being. With “eyes being fixed to the top of the mountain”, the image of success comes crashing down.
It comes as no surprise to then see there are more people than ever dabbling in quick-rich money schemes or frantically betting their savings on the cryptocurrency market for a miraculous turnaround. The hustle culture has pushed a sales-culture narrative, a perception that you must outcompete the pack, to constantly chase for more titles, figures, connections, and ownership of all things. But what about those who are yet to start their journey? They may hold high ambitions, and feel eager to change their present conditions but look around and see nothing but numbers racing past them, far ahead in the success story. The action to just start, perhaps write up a business plan and start creating a website, now looks hopelessly meaningless in the competition for success. The showcase of wealth and status today as definitions of success feed into consumer society’s compulsion for immediate gratification. It appears success has become merely a matter of earning money and status in the shortest time.
Ultimately, there is a failure to realise success is intangible and belongs to a far wider number. As a product of one’s life choices and commitments, it stretches beyond a narrow clinching of power or wealth. This façade of ‘making it’ is merely a flagellating struggle to turn heads and win people’s approval. No one, of course, wants to live miserably and there is nothing inherently wrong in enjoying life a little more through finer wants. There is also the unfair reality of some people who hold unimaginable wealth or fame by merely inheriting it. But for others who have risen to success through more reputable claims, inventing, designing or even servicing others, we can see money and status are mere ‘side-effects’ of their greater commitment to their passions. Moreover, it is worth pondering for those who don’t showcase fine luxuries, do we simply consider them failures- or ‘not successful’ because they have not attained exclusivity? The real virtues of success are more personal and long-lasting- available to everyone in our capacity to better ourselves over time. The longer scene of one’s status, achievements, and accolades belongs to a dimmer picture. A time of honest graft, hard work and free fortune.
Success as an image remains intangible as you race to win the approval of others in a world filled with endless resentment and rejection. Like happiness, the image of success fools the naïve into thinking there will be an endpoint, where life’s answers are solved and sorrows are lifted high into the sky. And that the moments of joy different from these grand images are not as worthy, to be shoved in the backseat.
b. Trying to be “successful” is exhausting
The fight for this superficial success turns especially painful when it means accepting all your hard work was not from what you wanted but from the choices of social peers. When people see success, at parties, events, and conferences, they forget the many anguishes the successful would have had to suffer. Often the applauders rarely know about the turbulent experiences behind the face of success- the perceptions that no matter what you achieve, you are a failure, an imposter in one’s body defined by the memories of rejection and failed ideas. The School of Thought goes as far as to remind us rather than being envious, or resentful of those at top of society’s hierarchy, we should hold sympathy. We should be grateful for the many sacrifices they have likely made, and the many challenges they would have had to battle. This pathway of struggling for just success’s sake makes it painfully apparent- why sacrifice and endure so much personal struggle to win other people’s approval (and even more reason when it means survival)? As the great influences and achievers of our time always remind us, you can never please everyone. There will always be the jealous, the ungrateful and the judgemental so it means returning to your own path, and deciding what is necessary and better for your life.
4) Harnessing success as an intangible product- striving for self–development
a. The mountain of success
Now knowing the superficiality of chasing success on its own there is a need to reframe this off-the-shelf perception towards the greater need for self-development. For many today, success has become a crippling factor in their move to get started on their goals. They see a mountain to climb with an impossible peak point, perpetuated by the glamour of the rich life. It becomes easy to give up on our initial steps. The many milestones ahead make every step feel like mere chips on a mammoth mountainscape, still awaiting to be sculpted. Without ever reaching such highs, life for the youth desperate for attention and value can feel pointless. Especially when the achievements, i.e., in school, work, and personal life, just get pushed away as part of society’s ordinary. As it would be said, there have been many who have done the same. The stare continues fixated on the top and alludes to a cruel perception there is little worth thinking about the steps and accomplishments leading up to it.
b. Scaling success through small steps
This reminds me of the point made by Derren Brown in his book Happy- people prolong their denial of gratitude and joy in the very chase of wanting more. The chase for success is a paradoxical cycle where we force ourselves to stay on the treadmill. As Dr K explains, people often become their worst enemies when it means taking action to better themselves. Not only is an unconscious concern with the outside world- what people will think, who you will need to beat, but also the begrudging feeling of blame. Looking up at the mountain of success, you see an enormous gap towards where you ‘should be’, or in other words the vast potential you are still needing to fulfil. This gap follows in every step you plan and take, making the journey of productivity and self-improvement feel unrewarding/dreadful. It is important to accept it’s okay to take a step back and enjoy the blessings before we reembark on the long journey through life with expected twists and turns.
However, a powerful shift in mindset can be enough to make today’s success talk no longer crippling but a real motivator in one’s life. Instead of seeing success in such grand material objects or ostentatious people, we need to look inside ourselves. Like the stoic, we need to recognise our souls and minds are the determiners of our state of happiness and sadness. As Epictetus proclaimed: “It is not what upsets us but our perception of it”. There are of course still the events of the harsher real world, our minds cannot ignore poverty, struggling to pay bills, rent, injuries and deaths. But when it comes to improving ourselves, the mindset to ultimately define success on our terms, for our own sake can be enormously empowering. Enough to make us get started, and continue doing more.
c. Success as a life-long personal goal
With enough discipline and comfort in embracing what the present has to offer, the journey to the top of the mountain can be realised. Success is not about leaping to fame and glory. Nor should it be about gloating about the things that went wrong, what makes us failures or seething in resentment while scrolling social media. Success, defined as one’s personal goal of constant improvement, means it is a story of small steps. To always move forward, a little or lots, sometimes back but always moving to make an impact on one’s life and the world. There will always be the talk of greatness and stardom but such glories are better thought of as side effects as they are by luck proven many times by the mere spontaneity of factors falling into place. Dr Peterson in his best-seller book, 12 Rules for Life, expands on this mindset presenting success as a personal-chosen struggle. He reminds us society has expanded to such deep and wide lengths, there exist polyarchies within hierarchies that mean people are pressured more than ever to compete at the top level. The ordinary individual wanting joy and improvement from life, assuming they are not already competing at the top 1%, does not need to muddle themselves in this frantic struggle. The vital component for most people’s life is must be to keep pursuing the good- not letting oneself dwindle in abject despair. Instead, always be the better self by focusing on what can be done today, a little better or much more than in the past. There will be ups and downs but by continuing this incremental journey to make success a truly personal experience, life can feel a lot more rewarding and fulfilling as one grows in wisdom.
Dr K offers the most practical advice that holistically addresses the problem of success. Rather than getting caught in the wind of glory, we must focus our minds on the present. Each and everyone one of us faces a different scenario with its own challenges and abilities. Nonetheless, this is about a personal struggle that each one of us will first accept. By recognising the present moment, at whatever stage we are, we must throw away the endless ‘shoulds’ in our lives. The negatively biased mind will always want to remind us about the many regrets and failures. It is vital to understand looking negatively at yourself will not truly motivate you to making continuous action. Instead, the journey to success is about continued self-improvement in forever small steps. With each day bringing its own set of challenges and priorities, you must ask yourself what can you do today. It can as small as you want, as Dr K stresses the essential thing is to keep moving mentally and physically. This mindset offers a powerful, pragmatic approach to getting into a life-long habit of doing something to better yourself or your surroundings.
Now, it may be asked how do I prevent myself from dwindling into comparisons with myself or others, or even the feeling I didn’t achieve anything today? Dr K from the depths of his holistic psychotherapy offers a vital productivity tip that banishes unworthy/defeating thoughts. Establish firm goalposts before every task and do not dare move them while you are completing them. This is about setting realistic targets, allowing you to score each day and not an impossible moving goal that offers you no reward for your committed efforts.
The gradualist approach to success only appears stronger when looking at the deeper neurology. As Andrew Huberman- an American neuroscientist and associate professor in the Department of Neurobiology at the Stanford University School of Medicine, explains that recent neuroscience has highlighted the ways dopamine, typically associated with reward, is more concerned with motivation and craving. This means this chemical transmitter in our brain plays its strongest part before the reward. It is about our brain’s enjoyment in creating, striving and pursuing goals/rewards than the actual outcome. Hence, dopamine returns in the way most of us find it impossible to settle even when life appears entirely content. We want to gain, even when we’ve lost as dopamine level forces our brains to keep track of what we are doing in life. Therefore, Andrew makes a powerful argument for people to consciously embrace dopamine- not to crash out with a reward but to tame your final enjoyment so you can maintain and recover what you seek for a reward.
In short, to make actionable progress, we must make success compatible with our lives. Remember success is not an end or solely embodied in material luxury. Success is most meaningful when it is personal and as a journey of life-long self-improvement:
- Establish firm goalposts in everyday tasks, plans and goal
- Set realistic goals– as Dr K mentions why wear the clothes of a 6’ 8’ basketballer if you’re only 5’ 6’? You can absolutely push your limits but be realistic about what you can achieve from day to day.
- Always think in small steps– Rome was not built in one day, long-term persistence is key
- Accept your circumstances- there will be sad times and happy times. Do not feel pressured to find bliss as we all know reality belongs somewhere in the middle. Inevitably our imperfections will lead us to some hopeless or tiresome days. The bigger action is to do as much as possible in the given circumstances. Don’t just give in or let failure become the new continuum.
- Comparison is the thief of joy– comparisons are endless in a world filled with 8 billion people that never stop moving. Your pathway to success is about your improvement. Remember to work and reward yourself as your success and self-improvement will always be life-long.
Conclusion:
Today’s perception of success can feel all too overwhelming. The pressure to reach pinnacles of greatness, showcased by superstars that dominate our screens, causes many people to chase society’s approval. While we should be inspired to take action, this mindset moving forward becomes clouded by doubt and resentment. The pressure to succeed begs the question: are we doing this for others, or is this something I find fulfilling and want to continue improving? There is little surprise to hear many complain about chasing lost dreams and feeling drained by a success target that only stretches further away. In particular, today’s status and money goals have turned into an intimidating force for those already struggling to get started. The essential lesson to realise is that success has no end only accolades along the path that is self-improvement. Many people’s visions stay fixated on the top of the mountain, failing to give credence to the many smaller steps in reaching every achievement. Viewing success through smaller steps makes it possible to see how grand ideals can be accommodated and possibly realised in ‘ordinary’ life. With enough perseverance, hard work and humility many of us can be riding the wave of success in society, as a personally fulfilling, life-long mission in self-improvement.
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